I have this particular rare disease I once named The Curse of the Charmer. Or of the Charlatan,...
I have this particular rare disease I once named The Curse of the Charmer. Or of the Charlatan, whenever my mood wanders through darker alleys. You see, my social skills are rather impressive and sometimes even scary. I know well how to make everyone feel liked and how to be irremediably liked without making any effort. I turn a boring meeting into an ephemeral golden bubble of a nothingness so enormous it genuinely feels like a wholeness. A vain, cozy, harmless void that prevents everyone to get to see any hint of my true self.
The truth is, on the inside there’s nothing but a permanent Cold War in which the iron curtain is lost somewhere between the deep sea and the very center of the planet, inevitably buried. And once someone makes it tremble, I desperately need that trembling to be eternal, I violently seek that permanence. Only 2 people have achieved that so far. And these two people are and will always be able to turn me into nothing but a desperate babbler whenever the control freak I am experiences a total lack of coherence and understanding of the world and circumstances surrounding him. My social skills turn into pure overexposure whenever things get that scary. An overexposure so pathetic it draws pride wounds so deep they never stop bleeding -and will never cease to, I am well aware of that. Yes, I will scream your name and run, and make myself look like a stalker when I just entered your street a few seconds before that. No, no one will ever do that for me, but I am the only one to be blamed, because I construct (and most of the time, enjoy) my own insane dynamics. Yet even this, without any doubt the most revolting aspect of this Curse (that is, this subhuman, shameful occasional openness with the coppery smell of drying up blood) is worth, somehow, the humiliation. Because prior to such humiliation there were millions of tiny yet unfathomable precious moments in which I was absolutely me and not embarrassed but thoroughly, painfully happy. My whole existence doesn’t feel like a vile mockery only during these ungraspable (and only hours-lasting, at the very most) eternities.
Today I came back non-home stroking the dusk because it proudly wore your pastel hair colours -an undeserved consolation prize for bearing these agonizing hours managing to look abnormally normal. When I arrived, it looked as jet black as Helena’s does when I kiss it only after she’s been asleep for hours. It even had a hint of its sugar coal scent, but perhaps it was my own longing was fooling me.
Earlier today I sought the cure, desperately yearning to finally embrace the nothingness.
But I couldn’t.
taidstick ha contestado a tu publicación: Tumblr makes me sadder than Haneke's films...
//paps your face//
STOP BEING THE CUTEST, TAI. And I’m so so happy to know your friend is alright!
taibor ha contestado a tu publicación: Tumblr makes me sadder than Haneke's films lately…. ...
Is tumblr being gross?
No, I’m just a bit oversensitive and Schopenhauer is making it worse.
Thanks, but no need to worry <3
Tumblr makes me sadder than Haneke’s films lately.And that’s saying quite a lot.
Tumblr makes me sadder than Haneke’s films lately.
And that’s saying quite a lot.
blushingtv: Amour (2012, Michael Haneke)
Amour (2012, Michael Haneke)
Audio
Sing me to sleepSing me to sleepI'm tired and II want to go to...
Sing me to sleep
Sing me to sleep
I'm tired and I
I want to go to bed
I didn't know they turned Psiconautas into a short...
I didn't know they turned Psiconautas into a short animation film!
It's beautiful, way less depressing than the comic, English subbed and absolutely worth a watch.
Well, it was worth a try.
Well, it was worth a try.
Photo
Two-headed boyput on Sunday shoesand dance round the room to accordion keyswith the needle that...
Two-headed boy
put on Sunday shoes
and dance round the room to accordion keys
with the needle that sings in your heart
catching signals that sound in the dark
Photo
It feels different this time.
It feels different this time.
Photo
Photo
Photo
Hannibal 1.10 "Buffet Froid" by Sam H.
Hannibal 1.10 "Buffet Froid" by Sam H.
saassu: Lets have a romantic dinner
Lets have a romantic dinner
Melissa Harris-Perry describes herself as "cis" (via "MSNBC...
Melissa Harris-Perry describes herself as "cis" (via "MSNBC Talks To And About Trans People For An Hour, Doesn't F*ck It Up" on autostraddle)
legallylane: genderspectrum: Gender identity is a person's...
Gender identity is a person's internal sense of where they fit on the gender spectrum.
And thus not determinably by anyone but themselves, trans*, cis, or otherwise.
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